Last night I did something really stupid but it allowed me the first time in my life to recognize the peril and triviality of my drug abuse. I used some legal drug and felt I was dying; my heart was racing so fast I was sure I would die from a heart attack. My wife was thankfully home and helped me get through it. I have to share this because I hope someone can learn, too, as I did. And believe me, this drug was many times stronger than I initially suspected.
I cannot believe I used something that doesn't reveal it's ingredients, and whose psychoactive ingredients are made in some unregulated lab. Who knows what the side effects are. This experience kind of epitomizes my general use of drugs prior to today. In other words, I recklessly have used other drugs and jeopardized my health and family. Although I have a wonderful family, I became accustomed through the years to rationalizing my risky drug taking. But not anymore.
I am emotionally damaged from drug abuse because I finally see and feel the pain I have caused to my family. Whenever I have reduced or stopped using drugs for a period of time, I also experienced such emotional anguish because I now had to cope with life and all its problems without drugs. And I fear this will be the case from this day forward. This time i will get professional help, be truthful to my family, seek useful knowledge in my free time, and eventually learn healthy ways to cope with everyday stressors. I am ready to do this.
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